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R.E.flections by a ChaliceD.R.E.amer
DRE Roberta Altamari's Monthly ColumnR.E.flections by a chaliceD.R.E.amer
Wed 17 Mar 2010 1:55pm
Whew, what a month this has been! I write often that working with youth consistently opens my mind and heart to new perspectives and possibilities. This month has gone even further and transformed me forever!
Mid-February, nine members of the Youth Group, Valerie, and I traveled to New York City for a social justice trip to learn about and work with the homeless community. Yes, there are plenty of homeless people right here in Boston, but New York City is home to the very special Youth Service Opportunities Project that offers an amazing program educating teens and adults about the homeless community. With real-life stories from people who are homeless and hands-on experiences working in shelters and soup kitchens, YSOP squashed stereotypes and opened our understandings of homelessness.
Hearing stories of transformation from Watertown teens who did the same trip, I expected I would feel inspired and grateful when I came home. How can meeting people who don’t have a home to live in or decent food to eat not leave me feeling grateful for not having to worry about having such essentials in my life? But my real transformation was so much deeper and complex. When the only public bathroom we found on our return trip from the shelter was disgusting and then we heard that the church hosting a soup kitchen locked all the bathroom doors, it sparked a harsh reality check of wondering where homeless people living on the streets go to the bathroom. This is but one of many mindless daily privileges we have that some homeless people suffer without.
As this Connector goes to press, I am preparing to do a “Cardboard City: homelessness awareness overnight project” with our Youth Group in the pouring rain. Going without a comfortable bed to sleep in and limited food was the primary focus of this project to get a tiny sense of what it must feel like to go without. Sure, this doesn’t bring us anywhere near truly understanding what it is like to be homeless because we know that after our experience that we get to go home to a warm bed and delicious food. But it is making us realize that there is so much more that homeless people suffer without than we ever think about. No access to modern day conveniences like transportation and kitchens, or even umbrellas for the least fortunate. Even the ones lucky enough to find overnight shelter still have to spend the days outside. No rain or snow days … always stuck outside fending for themselves … alone.
We discovered that a big loss for homeless people is respect and dignity. Over and over, we heard that homeless people are ignored and treated like they are invisible. It’s true. How many times have I turned my head the other way to avoid looking at a homeless person because I didn’t want to give him money? And now I know that treating people like that is far worse than not giving them money. This message was so significant that I tried it when I returned home. I was in Cambridge one day and a homeless man was walking around the cars stopped at a traffic light with a cup and a sign asking for money. I felt shy, but rolled down my window and said, “I’m sorry I can’t help you, but I wanted to wish you good luck in getting your needs met today.” The look on the man’s face was pleasant surprise. He smiled at me and said, “Thank you, God bless you!” For me, it was a very small and simple act of kindness. For him, it was so much more!
I wonder if lack of respect and recognition is something that many people from minority groups suffer? I know that when I worked with disabled adults that they are often ignored as well. A disabled man in his wheelchair goes to get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts and everyone avoids looking at him. He doesn’t need anyone’s help. But a smile or hello would work miracles for his spirit!
As Unitarian Universalists, we proclaim the worth and dignity of all people as our first principle. I am now realizing that the first place to start could be simply saying “hello” to everyone we meet, no matter how different they seem from us. Sometimes, the people who seem the most different from us need our respectful recognition the most!
Roberta ♥
more here . . .
R.E.flections by a chaliceD.R.E.amer
Wed 17 Feb 2010 1:21pm
My colleague, Jolinda Stephens, wrote in our religious educators’ email group, “Imagine with me, not committees but Faith Development Ministry Associates who care for the ministries of multi-age faith development, adult faith development, very young family ministry, justice making, radical hospitality, and several others. … Imagine that each of these Ministry Associates are in turn supported, enriched and nurtured in their spiritual lives by one another, the minister and me. Would we be on fire? Imagine with me.”
Her words sparked my own imagination! Imagine a community here at First Parish where everything we think, say, and do nourishes our own spirits and the spirits of everyone directly and indirectly touched by us.” What do you dream of here at First Parish? The Canvas season is coming with much talk about budgets and pledges. But so must come taking the time to dream of what you imagine First Parish can be! How can you give as generously as you financially can when you aren’t considering the big picture of how important First Parish is to you and how amazing First Parish can be with your full support? What do you love about First Parish? What is so amazing about First Parish that you wish everyone in town knew about? What do you imagine that First Parish could grow to be in the coming year? What do you imagine that First Parish could grow to be in the next three years? What do you dream for First Parish?
I dream of a community that nurtures the spirit and soul of every person that walks through our doors. I dream of a community in which the joys and sorrows of each member are honored as our own. I dream of a community that inspires each member to share some of their abundance with those less fortunate than themselves. I dream of a community where there is never a sense of “us and them”. I dream of a community that no matter how much we give financially or in volunteer time, our donations are given from the heart and are gratefully appreciated. I dream of a community where we feel so strong in our ideals that we can take our practicing of them out into the larger world. I dream of a community where striving to practice our principles and values can spread as endless ripples of positive effects reaching far beyond we could have ever dreamed. That’s just the beginning of what I dream of for FPS?
I’m impressed by how often we are like my dreams! I’m inspired by how much the members of our community care and share with an abundance of love. I appreciate that First Parish is a community that challenges me to be my best possible self. I am grateful to be surrounded by so many people of all ages here who uniquely carry forth our Unitarian Universalist values in such creative and compassionate ways.
What do you dream for FPS? Blessed be.
Roberta
more here . . .
R.E.flections by a chaliceD.R.E.amer
Wed 20 Jan 2010 1:02pm
As my column is due, I am also preparing to leave for Atlanta, Georgia with Robyn to participate in the Interfaith Training we were selected to be a part of. This is fabulous and I’m so thrilled for this wonderful opportunity. But at the same time, work duties call and my column is due. And so, my Coming-of-Age group agreed to help me write it. It all started when they were so intriguing with their responses to their “what do I believe” surveys that I became totally mesmerized by their words. When one of them said, “What you believe affects what you say when you are losing at cards.” It sounded funny at first and then I realized how deep it runs. I couldn’t stop thinking about the different dimensions of this one statement. I then just had to ask if I could share their comments for my next column. To which they happily agreed – well, in exchange for me bringing ice cream to their next meeting.
That’s what our youth often do to me. Get me thinking outside the box and beyond my usual realities. They challenge me to open my mind and heart. Check out this response one youth wrote after surveying some friends and family about what they believe. “While interviewing four people who have been very influential to me (from three different religions), I realized that I did not know as much about them as I thought … Through the interview process, I came to realize that despite that religion people lend their name to, everyone is an individual with their own personal set of beliefs. I didn’t get the cookie cutter responses I thought I’d get.” Another youth wrote, “Both UUs (I interviewed) don’t believe in God, but they don’t believe in God in different ways.”
Or how about this one to get you thinking? “When asked what they believe happens when they die, the people I interviewed paused to think in depth about what I had asked. All people believe something different - which was great, but puzzling. Can different things happen to different people when they die? Something else to think about. I found it interesting that my dad is still undecided about his beliefs on the subject, knowing that he was alive when dinosaurs roamed the earth.”
Wow! And there were countless more I’d love to share but I’m already running out of space and I still have to share a few highlights from after they watched a movie about what different teenagers believe. Consider these perceptions:
- “There are different variations of God – it is kind of personalized. And the teens have more creative versions of God.”
- “It is cool to see people our age so dedicated.”
- “I thought it was interesting that the Catholic boy, who I think I stereotype in my head as being one of the most religious types of Christians, said that when praying, even in chapel sometimes, he felt like Jesus was there, but other times he didn’t feel Jesus and he felt nothing.”
- “Religion seems like a comfort zone for some people – a reassurance that there is order in the world. People seem to be afraid to discover that there isn’t a God because they want to have something to depend on.”
- “I wondered about the fact that although many of the people believed in God, almost all had at least some doubts or reservations about total belief.”
- “How is it that even a movie about different types of religion doesn’t seem to know about Unitarians or Universalist or Unitarian- Universalists?”
Wow! Lots to think about! I am so impressed to see that this is what they are already coming up with halfway through the program. And then they inspired their middle school friends who started their own survey last Sunday and enthusiastically rushed around Social Hour asking some very unique “what do you believe” questions. Will have to save their results and reactions for another day…
I’m happily glowing because of the blessings and gifts of our youth community! Hope you are too!!
Roberta ♥
more here . . .
R.E.flections by a chaliceD.R.E.amer
Wed 16 Dec 2009 12:00am
The holiday season is here and our annual Revels service kicked off the season of
celebrations in a festive way. With the fun, this is also a season to share love and
warmth with others ~ taking time out of the frantic pace of live to let your loved ones
know how much you care about them; and to not forget those people in the world that
are less fortunate than ourselves.
As I met with the children and youth for a recent Social Justice Sunday, we talked
about the holidays being a time to share warmth with others. Whether it is in
reference to gift giving or helping others, there is no shortage of messages regarding
the many ways to share using money. But the truth is that you don’t need money to
truly show that you care. This is a list that came up with of the many ways you can
share your love:
• sing holiday carols together
• bake cookies together
• give hugs
• catch snowflakes together
• give away hot cocoa, candy canes, chocolate, or popsicles.
• watch a movie together by the fire with popcorn
• give away toys you don’t want anymore
• volunteer at a homeless shelter
What a great list the kids came up with! I hope you will be inspired by their sharing
and add a few of your own good ideas. And then take some time during this busy
season to enjoy actually doing a few.
I often say that the holiday season can kick off a new year of love and compassion. It
can be a time of getting inspired during the cold days of winter to look for warmth from
sharing love with others. That type of warmth can carry us through the remaining cold
days of winter. How might we keep the warmth of love and the spark of connection
burning bright for us this winter?
I know one way for me will be to participate in the Interfaith Leadership Training and
Service Event co-sponsored by the UUA Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministries
and the Interfaith Youth Core. Robyn Ralli was the one FPS youth who came forward
with enthusiastic interest and some amazing essay responses, and then Robyn and I
were selected as one of fifteen teams to represent their congregation at this important
event happening in Georgia in January. Robyn and I are very excited about being
chosen as we hope this will help us inspire local youth to plant seeds of acceptance of
diversity as we all work together to make our world a better place. We hope this
interfaith work can help us carry forward all the meaningful and important messages
we hear this time of year about love, peace, and connection.
Roberta ♥
more here . . .
R.E.flections by a chaliceD.R.E.amer
Wed 18 Nov 2009 12:00am
The holiday season is not far away with Thanksgiving coming next week. As we turn to another holiday time, I stop to think about how I want to celebrate the holidays and unplug all the commercial messages that keep telling me the only way to be happy this time of year is to spend lots of money. I will be doing a parenting workshop next week on this subject, but this subject is not just for parents. Everyone can take time before the season starts to consider what we want our holiday celebrations to be like.
Katie Lee and I have begun preparations for our annual Revels service coming up on December 6th and for our Christmas Eve services. A common theme in our exploration of Winter Solstice and Christmas is the wide variety of ways different people around the world celebrate these holidays. This diversity can encourage and inspire us to create our own unique traditions. We don’t have to do what our families did. Nor do we have to do what our neighbors are doing or what our television is telling us to do. We need to do what we feel in our hearts is a most meaningful way to enjoy the holidays.
As Unitarian Universalists, we encourage each other to use our critical thinking and loving hearts in considering all our actions. And yet, it is so easy to forget in the daily grind of life. Working and parenting, it’s easy to get distracted with cultural messages proclaiming the best of this and the best of that. I will never forget when my first daughter was born and my sister asked me why I chose to breastfeed. Instead of pulling out my list of intellectual justifications, I returned the question by asking, “Why did you chose bottle-feed?” She responded, “I didn’t chose to bottle-feed. That’s just what you do.” I was enlightened. Many people in America don’t think about their parenting choices. They just do whatever they were taught to do from their parents or from society. I was glad to know that I did think carefully about my big parenting choices when the time came. And yet, I know that it can be too easy to just go with the flow and not consider every choice before I make it. So I constantly try to remind myself to routinely stop and think about the way I’m living my life. And with the holiday season bringing an increase in the bombardment of messages from society and from my extended family about what I “should” be doing, it is now even more important to think about what I want and follow the holiday paths that I think are best for me.
Loving blessings that your holidays are celebrated just the way you want!
Roberta ♥
more here . . .
R.E.flections by a chaliceD.R.E.amer
Wed 21 Oct 2009 3:48pm
It’s that time of year again. Autumn. The leaves are changing and falling. The weather is getting colder and the days are growing shorter and darker. With the seasonal change come changes in mindset and attitude for many of us. Gone are the carefree days of summer and here are too many things to get done in one day. It’s easy to get lost in the intense busyness of life this time of year. It’s also too easy to get sad or depressed that life has become so much work and stress.
A few moments have helped me minimize the negative feelings that can come with the seasonal changes and seeing the light. One is recognizing that there is value to each season. Enjoying a simple Autumn comfort rituals (eating delicious homemade apple pie and getting my flannel sheets out) helped me realize that this is a season for gathering inward and preparation. Winter is coming and even more time to be inside enjoying a different type of lifestyle, being closer and more intimate with friends and loved ones. Not better or worse than summer, just different.
Another moment that helped me see the positive light was when Katie Lee and I met to plan the intergenerational service we have coming up on November 1st. We were talking about giving thanks and honoring the sunshine of life. It secretly felt counterintuitive to how low I’ve been feeling to be considering what I’m grateful for and what are the joys in my life. And yet, engaging in these spiritual practices made me feel so much better and happier.
Another counterintuitive action that helped me feel good was taking a moment to help someone else. Sure, I’m tired and stressed and the last thing I’m thinking about is adding anything to my workload. But when I helped a friend who is divorcing move last weekend, it helped me get out of my funk. Knowing that I’m not alone in my life struggles and helping someone else who is going through a harder stage than I’m in let me see the light that my life is moving toward a good place. That I’m lucky in many ways I’m not realizing.
And the best moments that have helped me feel good energy again on these cold and dark days is simply coming to First Parish. How can you not feel good seeing people who are happy to spend time with you? People you share important values and goals with. People who are ready to share a laugh or a cry with you – whatever you need at that time. People who will help you see life from a different perspective and challenge you to appreciate the good in your life and enjoy it fully!
Loving blessings, Roberta
more here . . .
R.E.flections by a chaliceD.R.E.amer
Wed 23 Sep 2009 11:50am
I often hear that a significant reward for being a part of our Unitarian Universalist communities is that we are challenged to be our best possible selves. We can be our best selves when we grant ourselves and others the freedom to travel on our unique spiritual paths. We can also be our best selves when we engage in meaningful social justice and community service work.
We can also grow to be our best selves simply by the way we treat one another. How we behave in the regular competitive world might be different than how we behave at First Parish as our best selves? I will never forget when I first began working as a DRE. I was trying to impress a RE committee member and she kept telling me how to improve what I was trying to do. After weeks of this, I broke down in tears. I asked if I’d ever be able to please her, to which she replied, “There is no praise in the real world.” I challenged, “Why does it have to be that way?” That interaction transformed us both.
Many years later, that woman had become one of the most positive RE committee members, often complimenting others for their contributions. The RE committee became a source for growth for all of us, an escape from the competitive world where we could explore our too often ignored emotional and spiritual sides. We could get out of our heads and let our hearts come alive, guiding us in our interactions.
I came to Sudbury and met many people who also feel the constant pressures of our competitive society. Being our best selves in our interactions is not often valued in general society, and yet most people know that it is this emotional and spiritual side of life that is most important. As our loved ones age and pass away, we become acutely aware of this. Our possessions are less significant than leaving our loving spirit in the hearts of all that we have touched. That’s why our society needs more communities like First Parish. A safe space to escape societal messages and explore the emotional and spiritual sides of ourselves. A place where everyone is trying to be their best self and respecting each other as they would appreciate being respected. A place where we consider how our every word and action affects those around us and strive to make sure that we are putting forth our best words and actions. A place where we feel so inspired by being a part of a healthy and affirming community that we take our best selves out into the real world, spreading love and respect one interaction at a time.
Loving blessings, Roberta ♥
more here . . .
Youth Sunday
Sun 15 Feb 2009 12:00am
Youth Sunday is coming next month on March 15th and will seem different to the FPS community. In addition to our older youth leading us in worship, we will be recognizing our younger youth in two inspiring "rite-of-passage" ceremonies.
As Unitarian Universalists, we have wonderful recognition ceremonies for welcoming babies and for Coming-of-Age. But I have discovered that families want more! So six years ago, I set out with the support of the RE committee in Watertown to develop two rituals and have been working with the RE committee here to adapt them for our community. The first one is for our 8-year-olds as they enter a developmental stage moving from young childhood into more critical thinking. Many religions recognize their children at this age with a first communion or first bible. What can we do that honors our children with something central to our unique faith? We came up with First Chalice. The children received a personal sized chalice after doing some individual and group work exploring some of the words you commonly hear around First Parish. What is love? courage? kindness? peace? The great thing about this exploration is that their definitions will vary slightly and that is ultimately what makes our coming together so fascinating. The freedom to hold different beliefs and the encouragement to share them with one another! We are excited to bring this program to Sudbury.
Another rite-of-passage ceremony we're thrilled to share is for our 11-year-olds. Also going through a significant developmental stage are our 11-year-olds entering that pre-teen stage when their world is becoming very oriented to their friends. To recognize their growing ability to make their own connections at First Parish and to work with parents to pledge our support to the growing youth, we are offering First Mentor. In this program, the kids get matched with a First Parish mentor who will meet with them once to do a small service project for our community. By doing so, they will get to know each other a little and that mentor will represent the community affirming our love during a small ceremony during Youth Sunday.
Please join us on Youth Sunday to share these two beautiful ceremonies that recognize our growing youth while honoring values that matter to us as Unitarian Universalists.
Loving blessings, Roberta
more here . . .
Costumes
Thu 16 Oct 2008 1:39pm
The Halloween season is here and many people enjoy the opportunity to dress up in costumes. From heroes to scary monsters, people use Halloween as a chance to explore different personae. We are free to play dress-up without having to worry about what others will think. But what about the costumes and masks we wear everyday? You know – the clothes, the makeup, and the other grooming tricks we use to create an “image”. What would happen if we started experimenting with our everyday costumes?
We all know there are societal rules about the way we look. Although there are different “everyday” costumes and masks to choose from, people often treat us based on how we look. What about when our appearance can’t be changed easily?
My appearance has always made me look young for my age. Since youthfulness is a valued trait in our society, it has never bothered me. Actually, I loved when three different people recently thought I was fifteen years younger than I am. But now I wonder what if the trait was something not valued in our society. I wouldn’t love that. And whether the traits are considered good or bad, what assumptions accompany the mistaken conclusions?
I have always thought our society’s focus on image is too much like judging a book by its cover. I wonder how our Unitarian Universalist faith can inspire us to see beyond images to what really matters. Many of our principles relate to this ideal very well ... like respecting all people and acceptance of our diversity as we come together. We will share an example of putting these principles in action during our intergenerational service on November 9th. Every November, Teaching Tolerance sponsors “Mix It Up Day” in schools across the country. The simple but significant idea is to break your usual social boundaries to have lunch with someone who seems different from you. The project focuses on racial barriers, but challenging other social rules could certainly be considered too ... like talking to people who are disabled or a different religion or another class. In doing so, social walls come down and friendships are formed. Why limit this important work to children in schools? What can we do individually in our own lives to make a similar difference? And what can we do together in our community?
- Loving blessings,
- Roberta
My First Column — Welcome Back!!
Sun 21 Sep 2008 12:00am
I’m honored and thrilled to be writing my first column for our newsletter! Welcome back to another incredible year at First Parish!!
We officially started the year with our annual “ingathering water service”. As I processed through the congregation and then sat up front, I was very nervous. I thought, “Will this community like me? How will I ever follow in the footsteps of their many well-loved religious educators?” Before these fears could get me too distracted, I looked out into the sanctuary. Right in front of me sat some of our youth. I looked at them and they smiled at me. I smiled back and one of them made a silly face that almost made me laugh out loud. And that was exactly when I “knew” that I’d be just fine! Maybe even really good!!
These youth and the many friendly people I met after the worship service reminded me of one of my guiding work principles ... that most people come to church for “connection”. They have other goals and interests, but “connection with people and families who have similar values” is often the #1 reason. It’s important to remember this in all that we do at First Parish.
I went to the district’s workshop on Hospitality (in August with a First Parish team) and this was one theme they highlighted. We learned of Malidome Some who is sharing inspiring messages about the “life philosophies” of his village in West Africa ... Community is the flower of belonging. We each have a purpose and we are drawn into community to serve one another and the world.
The next day, I attended our summer worship service led by Dawn and Sarah Jun Shilts and was likewise impressed in countless ways. One message shared was inspired by Malidome. What is our one beautiful gift we are going to share? We meditated on that and then brought our gifts symbolically together as a whole in the form of a puzzle frame. Our children can fill in the puzzle illustrating the gifts they want to share. The most amazing thing is that the “community” puzzle reminds us that we create a magical synergy together as our collaborative and collective whole is more powerful and special than what any one of us can do alone. I have a wonderful feeling that this “synergy of our gifts” theme will revisit us many times this year as we come together to connect, worship, seek, explore, work, and act.
- Loving blessings,
- Roberta
Revision 2. Last edited Sat 18 Oct 2008 7:26pm by TomYelton